What about your friends?

I was listening to the Ricky Smiley Morning show as I do each and every morning when getting my kid ready and  off to school and I heard one of my favorite sister girls on the air, Lisa Raye.  Now many of you may  remember her from the early 90s movie, Players Club, but I remember her from the various times I have had the pleasure of interviewing her at several events I have covered during my radio career.  But anywho.... Today she was talking about her journey and how she has had to let go of people in her life that were so called friends, and how God sends people to your life for various reasons and  sometimes for a limited season. And though this saying is used alot, "there's a reason for some and a just a season for others" or something like that, I tend to dislike the usage, and or over used sayings like that and others like.....
"knowwhatimsaying".  Have you ever noticed people who say "knowwhatimsaying", chances are
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HAM SANDWICH THEY ARE SAYING?  Or.... "
YOU FEEL ME SON"?..... ummmm.... first of all.... I'm a woman.... so.... I'm not  yo son, and
HELL TO THE NAW I DO NOT FEEL YOU, I CAN HARDLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY!.  Oh and one of my all time least favorites..".STOP HATIN"....
"YOU HATIN"..... "I KNOW YA'LL HATIN"...."GET OFF THAT HATERADE"
Ok.... let me just say this.... CAN YA'LL STOP SAYING ALL THOSE!!!  Who in the hell came up with that that term anyway?  Let me say this for the record, just because you have an opinion on someone or have the skill level and fortitude to do better than what someone else is doing and you say that or comment on that, DOESN'T MAKE YOU A HATER.!  It makes you a person with an opinion.  Sometimes it just makes you a person with a constructive criticism.  If I don't like Mozart am I a HATER OF MOZART?.  No... I just don't care for it.... so SHUT YO OVER USING A PHRASE ASS  UP!!!
Whew...... I  am sorry, I COMPLETELY DIGRESS from what I came on here to blog about, but that was on my spirit from a few days ago, I  just had to get it off my chest.  Now.... let me scroll up and see what I was originally on here to spew about.  Oh and one more thing............its SCROLL NOT STROLL
 Some of ya'll say "let me stroll through my notes"...LOUD AND WRONG!!!  anywho....................
As I was saying before I got carried away... Lisa Raye was talking about friends and it made me post a long shout out on my facebook page (which by the by is  @facebook.com/oliviafox  (shameless plug) I posted a shout out this morning about the people I consider my best friends and how blessed and fortunate I am to have them in my life.  I think there should be certain criteria a person must meet and certain character traits a person must possess to be considered a friend.  Newsflash...alot of us are calling people friends and ....they really are not.  Some are just folk we know or have known for a long time and it doesn't necessarily make them your friends.  Co workers, again we see them everyday, but  it doesn't necessarily make them
YOUR FRIENDS.  Also for my married and or involved people, just because someone is friends with YOUR MATE, doesn't make them YOUR FRIEND AS WELL.  It's important when you are WITH SOMEONE that you maintain your OWN IDENTITY and your OWN FRIENDS.  How many times have we seen people completely isolate and become so overly intoxicated by a relationship that they lose the essence of what and who they truly  are, be it their identity,  their own friends and sometimes, sadly, family, as well.  That's an entirely whole NOTHA BLOG.
But here are some ways to tell if the person whom you consider "a friend" is truly "a friend"
.When something good, terrific, or horrific happens in your life, do you consider calling this person first and telling them the great news or the horrific news?  And.....when you call them, are they really listening and engaged in what you are saying? Are they generally and genuinely happy for you or is there are feeling that they may be secretly HATIN?.....
There's that dam word..... my bad.  But you know when someone is truly happy for you or truly
THERE FOR YOU when you really need a shoulder.  AND.... are you that for them?  Some people have it twisted they think folk are supposed to be THERE for them but they are not offering the same to that person.  Have you ever called someone and the entire conversation is about THEM?  They don't take a moment to say..look enough about me and my drama, how are you? How are things with you? And they really mean it and LISTEN?!! That's real peeps right there.
Next..... in an emergency... I mean a REAL emergency, let's say.... while you are at the hairdresser, your stylist is on the phone with the utility company arguing about why her lights have been cut off and she has left the perm ON  TOO LONG ON YOUR HEAD and as a result you have 2nd and 3rd degree chemical burns round your edges and yo ass has to go to emergency room?.... AND YOU HAVE TO CAL SOMEONE..... would that person that you consider to be "your friend" be THERE TO GET YOU, see about you, do whatever it is you need to make certain you ok?.Or ......DO THEIR asses say.... "oh boo, my man's daughter has a soccer practice and I promised to pick her up let me call him and I will call you back"?
HO....ARE YOU SERIOUS?...... really?.....I'm in the E. R. and you gotta call this man? whom by the way you have known for AN ENTIRE 4 months and my ass is in the hospital? with a BURNT UP ASS SCALP?.... REALLY.?.... That's not a friend.....And again... it goes both ways, if my friend is in need, I'm there....don't even think about it. I'm there, what you need boo?, who can I call for you?, can I get some SALVE, VASELINE,  OR ALOE PLANT TO RUB ON YOUR BURNT UP ASS SCALP,
I got you!!!!! And third..... and I always say, money and friendships never mix, HOWEVER.... times are rough, folk gettin put out their homes, cars repossessed etc.... etc...... and sometimes you can be short,
AS MY DADDY WOULD SAY....30 CENTS SHY OF A QUARTER.... is that "friend" someone who will offer to help without you even asking?.  It's the thought sometimes, and I do not recommend money borrowing from friends because Lord knows I have heard horror stories about folks, EVEN BLOOD,  and KIN, hell my own family arguing, yelling and ultimately STOP TALKING over 200 dollars. OVER 200 HUNDRED LOUSY ASS DOLLARS?!!!!..... REALLY?..... that again is an entirely NOTHA BLOG.....
Just to offer someone who is in need means alot and again you should have the type of relationship with your friends to let them know you have that for them if they need it.
These are just a few questions you should ask yourself when looking at the relationships you have in your own life. It's always important to check and re check the circle you keep around you.  I don't know  who it was who said it, but you truly are THE COMPANY YOU KEEP.  And..... if you are the type of person who desires to live with purpose, to really BE OF SOMETHING as one of my best friends mom's says..... then
IT IS EVEN MORE critical to take an inventory on your circle of friends.  If a person is on a "come up" or is always back in the cut trying to figure out what they can get from a situation, that is not a friend! That my dear  is a LEACH, a user, and quite frankly an automatic DELETE FROM ANY AND ALL COMMUNICATIONS!!!!  If a person is narcissistic meaning everything AND I MEAN EVERYTHING, no matter what ends up being  about them?  That is not a friend, that is JUST PLAIN ANNOYING.  And if the climate of your life takes a turn for the worse meaning, you either lose your job, lose a relationship, your income or status changes or you suffer a health crisis or worst.... HELL.... WHAT'S IS WORSE  than all that I JUST NAMED?  THOSE ARE  SOME OF THE WORST THINGS TO HAPPEN TO A PERSON... but if things fall apart and the dust settles and that so called friend is no where to be found?  Guess what?  that's just a blessing, because one thing about people.... if you wait long enough THEY WILL REVEAL THEIR TRUE SELVES. and that revelation could be THAT BLESSING you needed.
Keep your circle like I keep my bra straps..... TIGHT!! Ask yourself....What about my friends?  What about them? Are they true blue or...AM I ,A TRUE FRIEND? Are they only around for a season?  Its an inventory we all should take from time to time.
Well thats my 2cents, as always.... This thing you living? THIS AIN'T NO DRESS REHEARSAL....
.Get life.....
Love it, enjoy it and  treasure your friends!

Take a time out, WITH your kids

In a time in our world's economy where gas is nearly 4 bucks a gallon, 5 for a our friends on the left coast of these United states,  groceries are priced higher, mortgages have increased, while home values have decreased, and everything in between has us scratching our heads wondering, will this ever end?  The most innocent are stuck in the middle left to wonder, what are we going to do today mommy?  Yes children have remained unchanged, they want, what they want, when they want it, and seldom do they understand what an economy is or what it has to do with them getting what they desire.  So how have you been able to keep your children entertained?  How have you been able to keep your children moving instead of plopping them down in front of the "idiot box" as my dad  used to refer  the television as, or worse, giving  them a video game so they become zombie like, lacking interpersonal communication skills and a good chance of beginning a long life of being out of shape and over weight. 
As a parent we all want our children to be,  to do and have better than we had.  Unless of course  you are one of those bitter adults, borderline selfish and says more often than not, 'hell it was good enough for me it will be good enough for your little ass" not seeing the challenge of striving to want better for your children.
So..... how does one manage to juggle all of the above combined with swimming lessons, karate lessons, piano, lacrosse, soccer, basketball, tennis, football, chess club, girl scouts, boy scouts, summer camp, sleepovers, play dates, etc..along with all the money sucking items at your local mall.  How do you make an interesting weekend for your kids without costing an arm and a leg?
 Well I have become a pretty creative parent and due to this economy I have become a wiz of sorts at keeping my kid entertained on a budget.  And because I believe in sharing knowledge here are some tips, places and activities that are fun and won't break you.  Get a piece of paper and write them down.  Of course each location will vary because I do understand  not everywhere is like the DC metro area, the center of our countries politics and home of some of the worlds best museums, but if you look at your city where you live rather it be the Midwest, the sunny west coast or in other parts of the world, it is possible to keep  your kids entertained and moving while you maintain a reasonable budget.
THE ZOO, last weekend I got the grand idea of taking the DC Metro service(public transportation) into Washington, DC to visit the zoo.  And to my surprise I ended up having just as much fun as my 7 year old.  It really was like a little adventure, getting on the metro, looking at all the really strange people on the metro, and people watching is one of my favorite things to do.  Plus it was little brisk out but the sun was shining and families were everywhere it really was amazing seeing the various animals. The cost to get into the zoo?  Absolutely nothing.  There you go, a day of fun, for free!  I might add, walking that entire  zoo wore my  ASS OUT!!! And my daughter as well.  We were knocked out sleep by 11.  It was a wonderful workout.
And now that we are talking about free. how about visiting THE MUSEUMS.  Washington DC has some of the most incredible museums and they are mostly still free.  It is a wonderful time to walk and see but it also has a ton of information to learn.  If you are careful as an adult, you too can learn as well.   
THE LOCAL LIBRARY.  Man I had forgotten what a wonderful resource a library can be. 
Most libraries have computers,  so with a library card, which all little kids should have, you can use a computer for free and a certain amount of printing is  free is as well.  You wanna talk about movies? The library has TONS of dvd's and even for you ole schoolers, VHS tapes, that again are absolutely free, bingo!!! Home movie night for absolutely nothing throw in some popcorn and you have you a homemade MOVIE NIGHT!!!!  I even hype a movie night up, and if your kid is like mine it doesn't take alot to get her hyped about anything, especially Willy Wonka and the Choclate Factory which she has seen at least 13 dozen times!!! Thats an entirely notha blog, what to do as a parent when your kids want to watch a dam movie you KNOW they have seen a dozen times?  Another time, another blog... I digress.. where was I?
THE PARKS,  yes, thats where I was, another fun free activity.  THE PARKS, we have some of the most beautiful parks in our area and because we also live near the water a great majority of the parks are also near the water so you can go canoe riding, paddle boating, hiking, bike riding and exploring.  All these activities are great for children getting them moving and seeing and OUTDOORS, these little kids now sit in  the house without the fresh air and all that nature has to offer.  My mother and I used to go bird watching as well, now I watch birds with my daughter. We keep a little bird book handy (that we got at the library....for free) to find out what exactly types of birds we see.  It really is amazing what is in nature if you get from up unda the television and go explore. 
SWIMMING at your local YMCA or community center.  It only cost 6 bucks at the swimming center in my neighborhood  for a kid to swim at an indoor pool and if your kid DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM, investigate swimming classes.  All children should grow up knowing how to swim.  It not only is smart, but it is also a great source of exercise.
 BOWLING,... yes something as a parent you may have not done in a very long time.  But bowling is actually a great way for your children to learn hand to eye coordination.  And for your small children they have the little railings they put up on the aisles so the bowling ball  is practically guaranteed to knock something down. 
And finally.... old fashioned WALKING.  I know.... what a concept right?  But walking is a wonderful source of exercise but it also gives you an opportunity to exercise as well as getting connected with your children. When was the last time you really talked to your children about what is going on in their lives? If you make the walk goal oriented, meaning telling your kids," hey lets walk to the 7-11 and get a slurpy"
(hey, this is what works for my kid) they will walk to the moon for a doggone slurpy.  The important thing is to get them enthusiastic about moving.  I know some of these things you may have never considered  doing with your kids because you are so busy in your own lives making a living, going back to school, and for some of you who have not figured it out that it is NO LONGER ABOUT YOU GOING TO THE CLUB, TRAVELING TO ALL STAR WEEKEND, while you leave your kids in front of these dam video games, did you forget? your kids didn't ask to be born and now that they are here and YOU created them,  FOR WHATEVER REASON, you should do your parental duties and entertain them, and encourage them to get up and get moving and stimulate their brains while you are at it. 
The thing about kids ladies and gentlemen,  YOU CAN'T PUT KIDS ON PAUSE and say stay 6 until mommy/daddy  has time to enjoy you, or  until mommy/daddy  gets their master's degree and/or  have time to take you to these places.  Naw.... kids grow and change and for many,  parents just don't have the time nor energy to spend  this critical bonding time with them.  But if you can make time to go to the Essence music festival, watch football EVERY SUNDAY WITH YO BOYS, going on ski trips, or boys weekend in Vegas, or going  to happy hour with your girls or even time to get your hair and nails done, why not invest that same time into the most valuable asset you have, YOUR KIDS? 
You should know this AINT NO DRESS REHEARSAL!!!.....And when your kids are grown you can't get the time back, you can't REWIND OR DO OVER..  So enjoy your kids, AND..... remember to be kind to your children, As I have told my dear mother, you better be nice TO YOUR CHILDREN because.... ULTIMATELY..... YOUR KIDS  WILL BE THE ONES TO DECIDE WHAT OLD FOLKS/ RETIREMENT  HOME YOU GO INTO. (smile) And that's real talk!!!!

Spring is here!!!

Time is indeed  flying and you know what they say, (cause they always saying something), time flies when you are having fun.  I must be having the time of my life because here we are on the first full day of spring.  Is it me or did it just seem like yesterday it was  the 4th of July, then Christmas.  January came and went without any major fireworks, and Valentines day, a  month for lovers,  the days just seem to to fly by and BOOM.....its dam near April. 
It seems the year 2011 has already been a year of cleansing,  shedding of all the old things, be it weight, habits, and people, these last 3 months have really been a spring board of self realization, change, enlightenment, and growth for me.  One thing the new year has bought is the knowledge of the potential within myself to be and do more than I have ever desired to  be or do.  That sounded a little redundant but its true.  I have been blessed not to HAVE to work, not to HAVE to be stressed and consumed with looking for employment  I have zero passion for.  I have been blessed to really take a much needed TIME OUT FROM MY NORMAL LIFE.
 When I really think about it, I have been chasing the dollar bill since I was 16 years old.  And not the dollar bill affiliated with some one else, hustling, grinding,  scheming and lying, trying to get and take off someone else's shine.  Naw.... that has never been my thing.  Though in the industry of entertainment that I have worked in for the past 20 some years I have had my share of running into users, losers, hustlers, hoodrats and get withs.  It has truly been an eye opening experience on so many levels and has taught me HOW NOT to be live. 
But I think I am due for this break I have been so fortunate to have had the past 8 months to care for my daughter full time and work on me.   As I have said since January I have had the chance to really look at my list of wants and needs.  Once you do that you truly realize many of the things you think you need, are truly just wants.  
So for a new season to arrive, many things come to mind about Spring, the blossoming of ideas and concepts, the blooming of potential and opportunities, the growth within yourself and the rising of all that has been deep rooted from  the past season. That is how I view Spring.
 Sure its a time to go through all your junk in your home and get rid of those tight ass jeans that yo fattass hasn't been able to get into since the late 90s(smile),.... Time to go through all the items you have collected from past amusement park visits, vacations, Christmas gifts that you didn't ask for or need,  books you haven't read, kids toys that your kids  played with for about 28 hours, appliances that either don't work or you never use, and countless other items that have collected throughout your home.  Spring cleaning is what they call it.  But Spring cleaning should also apply to your personal life.  Cleaning out the old and making room for the new. 
A change of seasons is a wonderful time to take inventory of your life, analyze the changes you seek and map a plan to move it forward.  Perhaps in the new season you find yourself feeling some kind of way about the people in your life.  Take a piece of paper and write down the names of the people you encounter the most, and not co workers, but people you consider friends.  Look deep into that list and think about each person on that list.  Is that person what you deem as a true friend?  Does that person have your best interest at heart?  Would your life be enhanced if they were no longer   in your circle or suffer due to the loss?.  Once you are certain,  figure out in this new season if that person is no longer a person you want in your life.  If not, weed them out, remove their contact information  from your phone, if they call, or text,  don't be rude but be short and sweet.  Eventually  cut  off all communications.  I always say, never  burn a bridge, but with some people you just have to leave that bridge abandoned, never to be crossed again.
Next, what is your opinion on where your life is going on a professional level.  Are you truly happy with what you do for a living, is it working for you anymore?  Is there a passion for what you do?  If not, what are you willing to do to  change that?  And finally, your personal relationships.  What is it that you seek or desire from the relationship you are in?  Can you change your behavior to enhance what you do have?  Are you truly content in the union you are in and if not what will it take to get to a place that you are truly happy? 
Spring time is a wonderful time to look at where you are in life and seriously consider changes, alterations or a complete overhaul  But in order to clean, you must be willing to throw the old out, to make room for the new.  How can you possibly have the room for new blessings, if you continue to harbor the old, the tired, the unusable?  Life is about the experience, the lessons, the letting go of the garbage and baggage of the past.  A new time, with new opportunities, possibilities and a new life.  Its never too late to spring into a new way of thinking, and actually change can be possible if you are willing to let the old go.
Come on people!!! its Spring, spring yourself into all that you are capable of being and doing.  Take the steps to spring into action, and live a new.  Spring is here......are you willing to change as the season has?  Get there!  The new way of thinking and living could be so amazing you will wonder how and why you settled for the old and not expect more of who you are and what you can become.  Regardless of how desperate or depressing your present situation is,  tomorrow can always be what you want it to be if you are willing to get rid of the old to make room for the possibilities of a new day.
As always..... GET LIFE BABY.... this ain't no dress rehearsal!!! . 
p.s...... please leave a comment, you know how us creative types are.... WE NEED FEEDBACK...... 

Things to do before you say I DO......

I sit in front of this computer trying  to decide as to what I want to vent upon.  I guess today its going to be a form of advice.  So what can I speak on from a experienced view point, what can I offer today?  How about a subject that most heterosexual little girls dream of from a young age.  M A R R I A G E,Weddings, walking down the aisle on your special day to declare your love til death do you part, with your soul mate.  The white picket fence, 2 and half kids and a monogamous love affair that last for an eternity.
Uh huh........ and all the rest of that fairy tale little girls are told, the story of the little princess who is rescued by Prince Charming to live happily ever after.  A nice story but realistic? Naw....I'm a realist when it comes to the institution of marriage.
You may be thinking....'OK OPRAH, you ole.... want to give advice on marriage and having children and you AINT GOT NAYER KID(caused chocolate Labradors don't count) You haven't  BEEN MARRIED NOR HAVE A MAN!!" Let me say yes I can speak on both, I have a wonderful little girl and  I walked down the aisle back in December 2000, and it was everything I dreamed of.  My  husband was as handsome as I always dreamed him of  being and I was nicely tucked and tapered in my body magic...LMAO.. as lovely as a bride should be.  After the dust settled and the honeymoon to Maui ended.... the reality hits, the wedding  IS over.... the gifts have been opened and returned..... because really just how many dam pieces of crystal does a new couple really need? FAST FORWARD 10 years later.... I found myself in divorce court, arguing and looking to a perfect stranger to decide how  all of our assets  are to be divided up and worse... who and how our child will be cared for.  A business relationship, a personal united front.....divided, defeated and never to be together again.  Dreadful? yes.... disappointing? Fo sho!.....and yet....a lesson to be learned.  And would I do it again?  Sure, with the right person for the right reason. I am a hopeless romantic, a passionate filled firecracker with hopeless lust for life and one who still  believes in falling hopelessly in  love, you know the good ...dam my ass is dizzy in love, love.  Ole Al Green, Peobo Bryson, Sherelle and Alexander O'neil 7 day a week love.  Wait.... I just fell into a late night urban adult contemporary quiet storm play list flashback......
But.....before taking that plunge again there are some key things I would be sure to do before saying
 I DO.   And for you who are either considering marriage or who's entire focus rather it be subconscious or not, who truly can't see themselves as being 'COMPLETE" without a wife or husband... .or women like myself who always wanted to have children but not a big believer in having children out of wedlock.  Whatever your reasons of wanting to be married... do these things a look before saying I do.  It could keep you out of divorce court or worse...being in an unfulfilled, boring, and just bad marriage that is plagued with infidelity, lies, and mistrust. Yes, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen,  people DO stay in bad marriages for the kids, for the "we've been together for all these years and why would we throw that away?" reasons  People stay married for financial comfort, or a lack of finances, insecurity due to daddy issues, fear of being alone, and yes people stay married  just out of  LOVE.  Yes Lord.... we have all been fools for love.
50 percent of marriages end in divorce so if you could have information that could potentially  keep you from being in that 50 percentile, what could it hurt to just be aware of it?  Right? What could it hurt? 
So here we go...ask yourself... why am I getting married?  Is it because I am on the wrong side of 30? Wrong side of 40? DAM... 50? ALL of your friends have gotten married, and on their 3rd child so its the thing to do?  Is it because you don't want someone else to marry your mate and though you are not really ready your mate  has given you an ultimatum so you might as well get married.  Oh and along the same line, you get married because she has "popped up pregnant"  Do you really want a forced union? Do you really think a marriage that is based on falsehoods and deceit will really last? What is the TRUE REASON behind you wanting to live the rest of your life with this person?  Next, do you really KNOW this person.  Now this is where it gets sticky, because I have always thought the person you date is not really the real person you will spend the rest of your life with.  People tend to misrepresent themselves, women who are trying desperately to get married will be and do everything you want them to be and do UNTIL they get married.  This is why it is so important to be yourself from the jump, so the person you are with is seeing the real you.
Next... and I cannot stress this enough, GO SEE YOUR POTENTIAL SOON TO BE  SPOUSE'S  FAMILY!!! GO TO A FAMILY REUNION!  KNOW WHAT TYPE OF  RELATIONSHIP   YOUR POTENTIAL  SPOUSE HAS WITH THEIR PARENTS.  Why? These are the people you will be forced to see holidays, family reunions, vacations etc.What if the family reunion reveals several family members  are carrying a gargoyle/troll gene?  You having children?  You would be surprised how a gargoyle/ troll gene may show up on your future children.For example, you have  children  they are born with antennas, you thinking?  why my baby got antennas?  You wanna know why?  because your husbands little brother  has antennas , so guess what?  NOW YO CHILD GOT ANTENNAS.  See now if you had went to a family reunion you would have seen there are folk in your husbands immediate family who have antennas!
 GO TO THE FAMILY REUNION.  But all kidding aside....more important than that, it is just important to know a person's family health history.  Does this family have a  genetic flaw? Does this family have a history of a certain disease or chronic condition?  When  considering having children these things are important to know.  Also you can know alot about a person based on what their relationship is with their parents.  Did the guy you are about to marry see his own father disrespect his mother, talk down to her, abuse her physically?  If so how will that affect him?  How will he treat you? What is his relationship with his own mom, did his mom baby him?do everything for him?  Will he expect you to do what his mother did for him? Fellas is your fiances momma a freak?  Non committed the entire time your future wife was 
a child?  Did that as a result make your future wife insecure, clingy, and jealous?  There is no doubt that we are all products of our childhoods. A great many of us will make decisions in our personal lives based on the relationships we grew up seeing or not seeing..
Also on a completely superficial tip.... fellas.... LOOK HARD AT THE MOMMA AND THE GRANDMA.  Is Momma missing teeth?  Is momma 320 pounds?  Is momma male pattern balding? Old folks used to say if you  considering marrying a women, look at HER momma that's who you will be married to in about 20 years. Ladies look at HIS DADDY.  If his daddy was a womanizer, or has an entire different family on the opposite coast of where you live, how did that affect your future husband.  If a little boy sees daddy cheating and womanizing, will that cause that little boy when he grows up to view women as sexual objects and more likely to continue to cheat while married because that is what he grew up seeing?  You have to look at these things, and some of you ladies are so caught up on "the wedding"  but what  you would WANT TO DO is check for these underlying character and personality traits. 
Next... credit!!!!  or as some say CREDICK... whats really going on?  If you marry someone without knowing their financial history you are asking for trouble.  Many times when we come into a relationship as 2 individuals we come together in union and credit as well.  What is your spouse's score? what are their spending habits? and what do they want for their financial future?  Lets face it folks, marriage is a business partnership as well.  When you are coming together as a family team, many times those big purchases are going to need to the two of you or if someones credit is not as strong, it will lie solely on that one person.  Are you willing to do that?  Consider this, if down the line in your little union something happens and the union dissolves and someone or both of you is bitter or angry because of the the break up of the marriage , sometimes people will do things to  get back at their spouse.  Example... if you both have names on property, cars, land, credit cards etc. and one of those individuals decides I want to REALLY screw this other person over so I'm going to file bankruptcy so I don't have to pay for anything from that marriage, guess who will be held responsible for that property, car, land and or credit?  The last person standing after the other has filed bankruptcy.  This is why so many people end up literally fighting in divorce proceedings, this is why people end up using children in custody hearings because something really bad happens when a marriage goes bad and credit is involved.  So understand what your spouses credit history and financial knowledge is.  So many women may be the stay at home mom and the man pays all the bills,  sounds cute doesn't it, you living the ideal life, maybe you have things in your name and maybe you don't.  What happens if the marriage goes off track and a divorce occurs, what are you going to have then?  Really? You don't know do you?   What will you leave with? What will you be stuck with?  How will you fair?  No no one should go into a marriage thinking it will end that's so negative!" said the naive unmarried, young minded little girl who wants the fairytale so bad.  But in grownup world, grownups have to discuss and consider grownup occurrences and understand that things happen, you just want to be aware of all scenarios.  Be prepared.  And finally, make sure you truly understand that in order to come together with another person, it would be important to know who you are, what you stand for, what you are worth and what it is that you will or will not tolerate and expect.  Communication is always critical when dealing with relationships but vital for a union to stay healthy thriving and withstanding the test of time. And isn't that what we get married for anyway, for a lifetime companion and a truly happily ever after.  As always.... for some reason I can't remember the official sign off I use, I swear I have the memory of a premature baby gnat, but any who.... get life, this ain't no dress rehearsal.... or something like that!!!!

How much of your brain are you using? Think about it.....

I heard on t.v. that most of us only utilize 20 percent of our brain power.  Which means 80 percent of what our brains ARE CAPABLE OF BEING AND DOING, never gets used.    Now, what if half of that 20 percent only use 10 percent OR LESS of their brain abilities? What does that say about the intellectual capabiilities of the average person you encounter day to day?  Is there any wonder that when you run into someone or have a communication glitch it leaves you feeling  like...... what in the hell is the deal with
THAT PERSON?   What exactly is REALLY GOING ON?  But to take it to an entire different level of
self realization,  what if you are apart of that half of  that 20 percent and you are on the low percentage of
that 10 percent brain usuage?  When you give it some real thought, does it make you want to learn more? 
Does it make you want to be and do more with one of the most magnificent and complex  human organs? 
 I have WAYyyy too much time on my hands, and my thoughts are ones that contemplate the most....some would say insignificant scenarios, these are the types of subjects that float around MY BRAIN.  So.... after giving it some thought as I have, what am to do to increase my under utilized brain?  What now? 
When we were younger, we  were constantly learning, using our brains.  Some of us more than others.  then some of us  went to college and smoked..... and drank.... most if not  many brain cells to an open casket clean departure, never to return again.
So.... how do you ,as a grown ass person, increase your brain power?
 I asked my mom who is 75 and showing a strong fight against memory loss and human aging. 
But she works at it.  She is constantly researching and making note of power foods and nutrients that assist in slowing down the aging process.  She reads everyday....and gives herself  little mind benders. 
Reading daily huh?  Not so much for me.... I have never been a big reader, and if and when I do read on any kind of regularity, its on a particular subject that interest me.  Like the workings and functions of the human anatomy, holistic research, books about child behavior, comedy and communication strategy books,  and psychology.  So maybe.... I could practice reading something everyday. 
Prior to the boom of the internet, reading a newspaper daily or certainly on Sundays was standard, but everything is on the internet, news alerts come to my phone, who buys a paper anymore?
 So.... ok.... read something everyday.  I got it....
THE BIBLE.... I have decided if I am going to read something, everyday... let it be something that can benefit my mind as well as my soul.  So thats what I have been doing.  Another thing..... to boost my memory of a gnat.... memorizing what I have read.  Can i keep it real with you?  Not very successful..... thus far, but I am  convinced just by being aware of this, I am well on the road to making better  usuage of my brain. 
How bout you?  What if anything will you do?  Is it something you really care about or are you good with just using such a small portion of your brain?  Im certainly not focused on going back to school,  what  I deem as my calling and my future,I am, in my opinion ,sufficiently educated with my little B.A. in radio/television and a minor in journalism,  as well as professionally trained and experienced to do
what I am doing.
HOWEVER.... one should NEVER stop learning,  one should never stop challenging your own intellect and ...... YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO THRIVE.... instead of just getting by.  Challenge yourself, you may be  surprised at what YOUR brain can and will do when challenged to do so.  Life experiences are lessons, but how can you possibly get the lesson if you have stopped expecting and actively participating in that learning process, if you no longer care to challenge your brain power, and your need for constant variety of  knowledge. 
Some say knowledge is power, however if there is no desire or abilities to attain and RETAIN  that knowledge? You have indeed GIVEN YOUR POWER AWAY. 
Just a thought.....
Get life baby... this aint no dress rehearsal.

The greatest thing I will ever be and do.....BEING A MOM...

When I tell you that I LOVE being a mom?  I am really telliing you truth.  I thank God  in prayer every morning and every night for blessing me with life.  If you are like me ,one of these career chasing chicks also know ass the United Career Chasing Chick Society...UCCCS.... if you are like me and chased , followed, and stalked your own career to "make it" to be all and everything thats is involved with that notion.  You know  in my industry Im talknig about attending every hot event, booking all the hottest interviews, flexing at every red carpet event, getting invited to all the "in parties ",while demonstrating a level of professionalism where its of the upmost importance to be considered one of the best.  Yes that was me . But somewhere around the year of 2002 I craved something more of my life.  I wanted to create a legacy, a life, a family, I wanted to be a mom.

 In my mid 30's I walked down the aisle with a man 10 years younger than me  and relished in being a wife. I had high hopes to be a mother, it was for some time,  all that occupied my thoughts.  Everywhere I would go I would see pregnant women, every child I would see was adorable and I would constantly wonder what a child created by myself and my then husband would look like.  Well several days after losing the one job that had put me on the map nationally, a syndicated radio personality with fans all over the country.  My husband and I found out we were pregnant.  What a blessing, what a sense of humor God had, he bought me through the storm of unemployment and gave us a life.  I dont know about you, but Id take LIFE over a job ANYDAY.

Being pregnant was one of the best experiences of my life. I loved it.  I didn't mind getting swole because just between you me and a flea.... MY ASS WAS SWOLE  BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT.  So it wasn't a huge adjustment. It is comedy to me when you hear these  little salad eating women who are obsessed with working out, get pregnant, get swole and ...LOSE THEIR MINDS!!  All they do is bitch about how much weight they have put on.  SHUT YO ASS UP!!! you have life inside of you stop focusing on your own ego and your own insecurities and realize how blessed you are TO EVEN BE PREGNANT.  Man... if you hear one more story  of  a woman who cant conceive? You will never say a dam thing about being swole again

Anyway... where the hell was I.... ughh...ADD is real. But ummm... yeah my ass WAS SWOLE.  But I didnt care, I knew that this child would be the love of my life and boy did I underestimate her.  From the first time I laid eyes on her as they pulled her out  of my gut and by the way....WHY MY ASS STILL LOOK PREGNANT AFTER HAVING HER?  AND TO THIS DAY... if you catch me after an esepcially thirsty weekend, I COULD BE 5 MONTHS!!!  But as I was saying.... Dont ask me how far along I am.... HATERS!!!!   But umm,... yeah.... as I had said...MY ASS WAS SWOLE....

But when I saw herl little pie face and small slanty eyes just like her mom and dads, and those little perfect lips and her  little perfect feet and little perfect hands, and when babies are new they have those little creases in their necks and one time I was holding her and I kept smelling blue cheese and Im like IS THAT MY ASS?  AM I STINKING LIKE BLUE CHEESE ?.... man.... we bathed her and pulled that little head back and inside her little creases of her neck...cottage cheese.  I threw up a little in my mouth then said...Awwww... my baby got cottage cheese on her neck from milk running down her mouth and settling in the folds of her neck.  My little cottage cheese buttermilk smelling neck having baby.  She is my joy.

Still to this day, I see that little baby.  Still to this day I remember the first time I looked at her and held her.  STILL TO THIS DAY..... no other feeling like what she gives me, PURPOSE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, INSPIRATION, LAUGHTER, WARMNESS, ACCEPTANCE, LOVE!!!!

I have accomplished so much in my life I have gone so many places met so many people....
wait... what song is that?  Is it Peabo?  no wait... Donny Hathaway... no wait I got it...RAY CHARLES..
 Singing a song for you.  Yeah thats it... I told ya'll ......I be lunching... and I typle like I speak, and my mother is rolling her eyes right now and my dad is turning over in his grave TWO TIMES  cause I am college educated  up on here using the conjugation of  TO Be... ghetto VERSION...... you be, i be, she and he be, they be, theys be, and DEERS BE....
JUST LOUD AND WRONG....  Ewwww I swear I need to do an outline before I start these rants I  gets so caught up in my MY OWN DAM CONVERSATION... Wait....quit playing... I had something reallly real...REDUNDANT....
something really profound to wrap this thang up !!!....but I forgot....


So Ill just say this,  all the years and still to this day I hear my mom talking about the love she has for each of her children, the way she worries even though all our asses is old as hell.  DONT TELL MY OLDEST BROTHER, HONEY HE WILL ARGUE YO ASS DOWN ABOUT HOW HE NOT OLD.  Whole nother blog.... but I now understand.  I get it.  There are tons of things you can do with your life, tons of people you can inspire and affect with your life's work, but NOTHING... will represent you, fulfill, and love you like...
LIFE.... A CHILD!!!!   I thank God for her everyday, twice a day!!!! 

As always .....as my crying, teary eyed ass wipes the tears from my face.....
I say... What good is success if your hair is a hot dam mess. 
HAVE YOU NOTICED EACH CLOSING IS JUST AS DIFFERENT AS THE LAST... WHY?  cause my ass keep forgetting what I said the first time.  BAD MEMORY HAVING ASS....

I digress......AGAIN.....
GET LIFE BABY....THIS AINT NO DRESS REHEARSAL!!!

What was wrong with the original?

So I'm out grocery shopping yesterday.  A task I rather enjoy, not because I love food, but I am a food product company's dream.  Based on sample placement and marketing techniques, I will try new products, not just for the sake of sampling a new product, but it always interest me to see if I have fallen for the objective of eye level marketing and allowing it  to affect my purchasing choices.   I can spend hours in a grocery store if I had hours to do such, why you ask?  Well..... it is always interesting to me  how product placement differs in various grocery store outlets and various regions based on the target demographic that is spending money at that particular location.
 Have you ever wondered why certain things are placed where they are?  I have, and perhaps I do because I have too much time on my hands (smile) and maybe its because I am too observant of my immediate surroundings. But one thought that pops to mind often in my grocery store shopping experience is......
what was wrong with the original?
Consumers are so often manipulated by the advertising companies in thinking new and improved is better.  WHY?  What was wrong with the regular Tide?  Now we got mountain fresh tide, tide with bleach, tide with floral scent, tide with color enhancement?
 WHAT IN THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH REGULAR TIDE?
Let's talk about Oreo cookies, now I love me some Oreo cookies but what do you see when you go to the cookie aisle?  Double stuffed Oreos, vanilla oreos?!  WHY?  WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THE REGULAR OLE OREO COOKIES?  And this one right here kills me!!!  Low fat..... Look, some things shouldn't be low fat, if you scared to eat something because its fattening?  DON'T EAT IT!!!.  Low fat cookies, low fat ice cream , low calorie beer.  Ummmm...... COOKIES, ICE CREAM, AND BEER ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FATTENING!!! That's why they are cookies, ice cream, and beer!!!! 
Americans are diet obsessed and yet we are the fattest nation in the world.  So make up your mind, either yo ass gone be fat..... or you are not.  If you are content in yo fatness, embrace yo fatness,
EAT THE REGULAR DAM COOKIES ,ICE CREAM, AND DRINK REGULAR BEER!!!!  If you are going to be weight worried,  DON'T EAT COOKIES, ICE CREAM, AND DRINK REGULAR BEER.   It's like people who choose to smoke cancer sticks, I mean cigarettes.  You know cigarettes are deadly, but you think you are smoking LESS CANCER CAUSING CHEMICALS by smoking Marlboro lights, Newport lights. really?  Cancer is Cancer THERE IS NO CANCER LIGHT, THERE IS NO FAT FREE CANCER!!!  I digress....
I just dont understand why folks  feel the need to improve on an original that was already fine. 
I get technology, things are always improving, look at portable DVDs and cell phones.  Remember how expensive and big a portable DVD player was when it first came out?  Cell phones too.  I love New Jack City remember when Nino Brown was in the Jeep on that BIG ASS CELL PHONE WITH THE STRAP.  Now cell phones are so small and convenient.  So in that instance I get the original being improved  upon because technology is like time, it is constant.  BUT..... wasn't nothing wrong with an original disposable douche.  Now what we got?  Mountain fresh, floral fresh, extra vinegar, extra mild.  Do you think your vagina cares about smelling mountain fresh?  If they really  wanna do something give the various douche products  flavors like Honey dipped wings, Chilli's Baby back ribs,Cotton Candy, Bananna Now and Later flavor....things we love to taste.... Ok... let me back up off that subject.(smile)
All Im saying is..... some things just dont need improving upon, and some things are good as an original.  Let me tell you something... back when I used to go hard drinking... People would look at me like I was the biggest redneck ,trailor park trash, marlboro red cigarette smoking, deer hunting  shotgun rebel flag flying,
Rush Limbaugh supportin,  Ku Klux Klan card carrying individual, when I stepped to a bartender and say....LET ME GET A BUDWEISER!!!  Now....Budweiser has deviated  somewhat like so many products, improving, adding, circulating, and marketing new forms of budweiser and I aint mad.  But when you get through talking....AINT NOTHING LIKE THE ORIGINAL BUDWEISER... THE KING OF BEERS.
I know what ya'll thinking...she did NOT say Budweiser!!! Yessir..... Im a St. Louis girl, born and raised and thats how we do in the Lou!!!! Believe that!!!
Any who.... I have 4 loads of clothes to wash... which  I might add., I WILL be using the ORIGINAL TIDE, CAUSE WASN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THE ORIGINAL TIDE!!! DAMMIT.   Ewww... that was weighing heavily on my spirit, and I had to get  all that off my chest, so I will close this rant out, but just remember, on your next grocery store shopping run, instead of being manipulated and coerced into the new and improved, ask yourself....WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THE ORIGINAL? and think of me.
As always in parting....
.what good is money and success if your hair looks A  HOT FUNKY ASS MESS?
GET LIFE BABY....THIS AINT NO DRESS REHEARSAL