In a time in our world's economy where gas is nearly 4 bucks a gallon, 5 for a our friends on the left coast of these United states, groceries are priced higher, mortgages have increased, while home values have decreased, and everything in between has us scratching our heads wondering, will this ever end? The most innocent are stuck in the middle left to wonder, what are we going to do today mommy? Yes children have remained unchanged, they want, what they want, when they want it, and seldom do they understand what an economy is or what it has to do with them getting what they desire. So how have you been able to keep your children entertained? How have you been able to keep your children moving instead of plopping them down in front of the "idiot box" as my dad used to refer the television as, or worse, giving them a video game so they become zombie like, lacking interpersonal communication skills and a good chance of beginning a long life of being out of shape and over weight.
As a parent we all want our children to be, to do and have better than we had. Unless of course you are one of those bitter adults, borderline selfish and says more often than not, 'hell it was good enough for me it will be good enough for your little ass" not seeing the challenge of striving to want better for your children.
So..... how does one manage to juggle all of the above combined with swimming lessons, karate lessons, piano, lacrosse, soccer, basketball, tennis, football, chess club, girl scouts, boy scouts, summer camp, sleepovers, play dates, etc..along with all the money sucking items at your local mall. How do you make an interesting weekend for your kids without costing an arm and a leg?
Well I have become a pretty creative parent and due to this economy I have become a wiz of sorts at keeping my kid entertained on a budget. And because I believe in sharing knowledge here are some tips, places and activities that are fun and won't break you. Get a piece of paper and write them down. Of course each location will vary because I do understand not everywhere is like the DC metro area, the center of our countries politics and home of some of the worlds best museums, but if you look at your city where you live rather it be the Midwest, the sunny west coast or in other parts of the world, it is possible to keep your kids entertained and moving while you maintain a reasonable budget.
THE ZOO, last weekend I got the grand idea of taking the DC Metro service(public transportation) into Washington, DC to visit the zoo. And to my surprise I ended up having just as much fun as my 7 year old. It really was like a little adventure, getting on the metro, looking at all the really strange people on the metro, and people watching is one of my favorite things to do. Plus it was little brisk out but the sun was shining and families were everywhere it really was amazing seeing the various animals. The cost to get into the zoo? Absolutely nothing. There you go, a day of fun, for free! I might add, walking that entire zoo wore my ASS OUT!!! And my daughter as well. We were knocked out sleep by 11. It was a wonderful workout.
And now that we are talking about free. how about visiting THE MUSEUMS. Washington DC has some of the most incredible museums and they are mostly still free. It is a wonderful time to walk and see but it also has a ton of information to learn. If you are careful as an adult, you too can learn as well.
THE LOCAL LIBRARY. Man I had forgotten what a wonderful resource a library can be.
Most libraries have computers, so with a library card, which all little kids should have, you can use a computer for free and a certain amount of printing is free is as well. You wanna talk about movies? The library has TONS of dvd's and even for you ole schoolers, VHS tapes, that again are absolutely free, bingo!!! Home movie night for absolutely nothing throw in some popcorn and you have you a homemade MOVIE NIGHT!!!! I even hype a movie night up, and if your kid is like mine it doesn't take alot to get her hyped about anything, especially Willy Wonka and the Choclate Factory which she has seen at least 13 dozen times!!! Thats an entirely notha blog, what to do as a parent when your kids want to watch a dam movie you KNOW they have seen a dozen times? Another time, another blog... I digress.. where was I?
THE PARKS, yes, thats where I was, another fun free activity. THE PARKS, we have some of the most beautiful parks in our area and because we also live near the water a great majority of the parks are also near the water so you can go canoe riding, paddle boating, hiking, bike riding and exploring. All these activities are great for children getting them moving and seeing and OUTDOORS, these little kids now sit in the house without the fresh air and all that nature has to offer. My mother and I used to go bird watching as well, now I watch birds with my daughter. We keep a little bird book handy (that we got at the library....for free) to find out what exactly types of birds we see. It really is amazing what is in nature if you get from up unda the television and go explore.
SWIMMING at your local YMCA or community center. It only cost 6 bucks at the swimming center in my neighborhood for a kid to swim at an indoor pool and if your kid DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM, investigate swimming classes. All children should grow up knowing how to swim. It not only is smart, but it is also a great source of exercise.
BOWLING,... yes something as a parent you may have not done in a very long time. But bowling is actually a great way for your children to learn hand to eye coordination. And for your small children they have the little railings they put up on the aisles so the bowling ball is practically guaranteed to knock something down.
And finally.... old fashioned WALKING. I know.... what a concept right? But walking is a wonderful source of exercise but it also gives you an opportunity to exercise as well as getting connected with your children. When was the last time you really talked to your children about what is going on in their lives? If you make the walk goal oriented, meaning telling your kids," hey lets walk to the 7-11 and get a slurpy"
(hey, this is what works for my kid) they will walk to the moon for a doggone slurpy. The important thing is to get them enthusiastic about moving. I know some of these things you may have never considered doing with your kids because you are so busy in your own lives making a living, going back to school, and for some of you who have not figured it out that it is NO LONGER ABOUT YOU GOING TO THE CLUB, TRAVELING TO ALL STAR WEEKEND, while you leave your kids in front of these dam video games, did you forget? your kids didn't ask to be born and now that they are here and YOU created them, FOR WHATEVER REASON, you should do your parental duties and entertain them, and encourage them to get up and get moving and stimulate their brains while you are at it.
The thing about kids ladies and gentlemen, YOU CAN'T PUT KIDS ON PAUSE and say stay 6 until mommy/daddy has time to enjoy you, or until mommy/daddy gets their master's degree and/or have time to take you to these places. Naw.... kids grow and change and for many, parents just don't have the time nor energy to spend this critical bonding time with them. But if you can make time to go to the Essence music festival, watch football EVERY SUNDAY WITH YO BOYS, going on ski trips, or boys weekend in Vegas, or going to happy hour with your girls or even time to get your hair and nails done, why not invest that same time into the most valuable asset you have, YOUR KIDS?
You should know this AINT NO DRESS REHEARSAL!!!.....And when your kids are grown you can't get the time back, you can't REWIND OR DO OVER.. So enjoy your kids, AND..... remember to be kind to your children, As I have told my dear mother, you better be nice TO YOUR CHILDREN because.... ULTIMATELY..... YOUR KIDS WILL BE THE ONES TO DECIDE WHAT OLD FOLKS/ RETIREMENT HOME YOU GO INTO. (smile) And that's real talk!!!!
About Me
- Olivia Fox
- I am a believer in God, a mother, a daughter, a sister and friend. I am purpose driven with intentions of inspiring, provoking thought and dialogue while motivating and changing lives GLOBALLY...
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring is here!!!
Time is indeed flying and you know what they say, (cause they always saying something), time flies when you are having fun. I must be having the time of my life because here we are on the first full day of spring. Is it me or did it just seem like yesterday it was the 4th of July, then Christmas. January came and went without any major fireworks, and Valentines day, a month for lovers, the days just seem to to fly by and BOOM.....its dam near April.
It seems the year 2011 has already been a year of cleansing, shedding of all the old things, be it weight, habits, and people, these last 3 months have really been a spring board of self realization, change, enlightenment, and growth for me. One thing the new year has bought is the knowledge of the potential within myself to be and do more than I have ever desired to be or do. That sounded a little redundant but its true. I have been blessed not to HAVE to work, not to HAVE to be stressed and consumed with looking for employment I have zero passion for. I have been blessed to really take a much needed TIME OUT FROM MY NORMAL LIFE.
When I really think about it, I have been chasing the dollar bill since I was 16 years old. And not the dollar bill affiliated with some one else, hustling, grinding, scheming and lying, trying to get and take off someone else's shine. Naw.... that has never been my thing. Though in the industry of entertainment that I have worked in for the past 20 some years I have had my share of running into users, losers, hustlers, hoodrats and get withs. It has truly been an eye opening experience on so many levels and has taught me HOW NOT to be live.
But I think I am due for this break I have been so fortunate to have had the past 8 months to care for my daughter full time and work on me. As I have said since January I have had the chance to really look at my list of wants and needs. Once you do that you truly realize many of the things you think you need, are truly just wants.
So for a new season to arrive, many things come to mind about Spring, the blossoming of ideas and concepts, the blooming of potential and opportunities, the growth within yourself and the rising of all that has been deep rooted from the past season. That is how I view Spring.
Sure its a time to go through all your junk in your home and get rid of those tight ass jeans that yo fattass hasn't been able to get into since the late 90s(smile),.... Time to go through all the items you have collected from past amusement park visits, vacations, Christmas gifts that you didn't ask for or need, books you haven't read, kids toys that your kids played with for about 28 hours, appliances that either don't work or you never use, and countless other items that have collected throughout your home. Spring cleaning is what they call it. But Spring cleaning should also apply to your personal life. Cleaning out the old and making room for the new.
A change of seasons is a wonderful time to take inventory of your life, analyze the changes you seek and map a plan to move it forward. Perhaps in the new season you find yourself feeling some kind of way about the people in your life. Take a piece of paper and write down the names of the people you encounter the most, and not co workers, but people you consider friends. Look deep into that list and think about each person on that list. Is that person what you deem as a true friend? Does that person have your best interest at heart? Would your life be enhanced if they were no longer in your circle or suffer due to the loss?. Once you are certain, figure out in this new season if that person is no longer a person you want in your life. If not, weed them out, remove their contact information from your phone, if they call, or text, don't be rude but be short and sweet. Eventually cut off all communications. I always say, never burn a bridge, but with some people you just have to leave that bridge abandoned, never to be crossed again.
Next, what is your opinion on where your life is going on a professional level. Are you truly happy with what you do for a living, is it working for you anymore? Is there a passion for what you do? If not, what are you willing to do to change that? And finally, your personal relationships. What is it that you seek or desire from the relationship you are in? Can you change your behavior to enhance what you do have? Are you truly content in the union you are in and if not what will it take to get to a place that you are truly happy?
Spring time is a wonderful time to look at where you are in life and seriously consider changes, alterations or a complete overhaul But in order to clean, you must be willing to throw the old out, to make room for the new. How can you possibly have the room for new blessings, if you continue to harbor the old, the tired, the unusable? Life is about the experience, the lessons, the letting go of the garbage and baggage of the past. A new time, with new opportunities, possibilities and a new life. Its never too late to spring into a new way of thinking, and actually change can be possible if you are willing to let the old go.
Come on people!!! its Spring, spring yourself into all that you are capable of being and doing. Take the steps to spring into action, and live a new. Spring is here......are you willing to change as the season has? Get there! The new way of thinking and living could be so amazing you will wonder how and why you settled for the old and not expect more of who you are and what you can become. Regardless of how desperate or depressing your present situation is, tomorrow can always be what you want it to be if you are willing to get rid of the old to make room for the possibilities of a new day.
As always..... GET LIFE BABY.... this ain't no dress rehearsal!!! .
p.s...... please leave a comment, you know how us creative types are.... WE NEED FEEDBACK......
It seems the year 2011 has already been a year of cleansing, shedding of all the old things, be it weight, habits, and people, these last 3 months have really been a spring board of self realization, change, enlightenment, and growth for me. One thing the new year has bought is the knowledge of the potential within myself to be and do more than I have ever desired to be or do. That sounded a little redundant but its true. I have been blessed not to HAVE to work, not to HAVE to be stressed and consumed with looking for employment I have zero passion for. I have been blessed to really take a much needed TIME OUT FROM MY NORMAL LIFE.
When I really think about it, I have been chasing the dollar bill since I was 16 years old. And not the dollar bill affiliated with some one else, hustling, grinding, scheming and lying, trying to get and take off someone else's shine. Naw.... that has never been my thing. Though in the industry of entertainment that I have worked in for the past 20 some years I have had my share of running into users, losers, hustlers, hoodrats and get withs. It has truly been an eye opening experience on so many levels and has taught me HOW NOT to be live.
But I think I am due for this break I have been so fortunate to have had the past 8 months to care for my daughter full time and work on me. As I have said since January I have had the chance to really look at my list of wants and needs. Once you do that you truly realize many of the things you think you need, are truly just wants.
So for a new season to arrive, many things come to mind about Spring, the blossoming of ideas and concepts, the blooming of potential and opportunities, the growth within yourself and the rising of all that has been deep rooted from the past season. That is how I view Spring.
Sure its a time to go through all your junk in your home and get rid of those tight ass jeans that yo fattass hasn't been able to get into since the late 90s(smile),.... Time to go through all the items you have collected from past amusement park visits, vacations, Christmas gifts that you didn't ask for or need, books you haven't read, kids toys that your kids played with for about 28 hours, appliances that either don't work or you never use, and countless other items that have collected throughout your home. Spring cleaning is what they call it. But Spring cleaning should also apply to your personal life. Cleaning out the old and making room for the new.
A change of seasons is a wonderful time to take inventory of your life, analyze the changes you seek and map a plan to move it forward. Perhaps in the new season you find yourself feeling some kind of way about the people in your life. Take a piece of paper and write down the names of the people you encounter the most, and not co workers, but people you consider friends. Look deep into that list and think about each person on that list. Is that person what you deem as a true friend? Does that person have your best interest at heart? Would your life be enhanced if they were no longer in your circle or suffer due to the loss?. Once you are certain, figure out in this new season if that person is no longer a person you want in your life. If not, weed them out, remove their contact information from your phone, if they call, or text, don't be rude but be short and sweet. Eventually cut off all communications. I always say, never burn a bridge, but with some people you just have to leave that bridge abandoned, never to be crossed again.
Next, what is your opinion on where your life is going on a professional level. Are you truly happy with what you do for a living, is it working for you anymore? Is there a passion for what you do? If not, what are you willing to do to change that? And finally, your personal relationships. What is it that you seek or desire from the relationship you are in? Can you change your behavior to enhance what you do have? Are you truly content in the union you are in and if not what will it take to get to a place that you are truly happy?
Spring time is a wonderful time to look at where you are in life and seriously consider changes, alterations or a complete overhaul But in order to clean, you must be willing to throw the old out, to make room for the new. How can you possibly have the room for new blessings, if you continue to harbor the old, the tired, the unusable? Life is about the experience, the lessons, the letting go of the garbage and baggage of the past. A new time, with new opportunities, possibilities and a new life. Its never too late to spring into a new way of thinking, and actually change can be possible if you are willing to let the old go.
Come on people!!! its Spring, spring yourself into all that you are capable of being and doing. Take the steps to spring into action, and live a new. Spring is here......are you willing to change as the season has? Get there! The new way of thinking and living could be so amazing you will wonder how and why you settled for the old and not expect more of who you are and what you can become. Regardless of how desperate or depressing your present situation is, tomorrow can always be what you want it to be if you are willing to get rid of the old to make room for the possibilities of a new day.
As always..... GET LIFE BABY.... this ain't no dress rehearsal!!! .
p.s...... please leave a comment, you know how us creative types are.... WE NEED FEEDBACK......
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Things to do before you say I DO......
I sit in front of this computer trying to decide as to what I want to vent upon. I guess today its going to be a form of advice. So what can I speak on from a experienced view point, what can I offer today? How about a subject that most heterosexual little girls dream of from a young age. M A R R I A G E,Weddings, walking down the aisle on your special day to declare your love til death do you part, with your soul mate. The white picket fence, 2 and half kids and a monogamous love affair that last for an eternity.
Uh huh........ and all the rest of that fairy tale little girls are told, the story of the little princess who is rescued by Prince Charming to live happily ever after. A nice story but realistic? Naw....I'm a realist when it comes to the institution of marriage.
You may be thinking....'OK OPRAH, you ole.... want to give advice on marriage and having children and you AINT GOT NAYER KID(caused chocolate Labradors don't count) You haven't BEEN MARRIED NOR HAVE A MAN!!" Let me say yes I can speak on both, I have a wonderful little girl and I walked down the aisle back in December 2000, and it was everything I dreamed of. My husband was as handsome as I always dreamed him of being and I was nicely tucked and tapered in my body magic...LMAO.. as lovely as a bride should be. After the dust settled and the honeymoon to Maui ended.... the reality hits, the wedding IS over.... the gifts have been opened and returned..... because really just how many dam pieces of crystal does a new couple really need? FAST FORWARD 10 years later.... I found myself in divorce court, arguing and looking to a perfect stranger to decide how all of our assets are to be divided up and worse... who and how our child will be cared for. A business relationship, a personal united front.....divided, defeated and never to be together again. Dreadful? yes.... disappointing? Fo sho!.....and yet....a lesson to be learned. And would I do it again? Sure, with the right person for the right reason. I am a hopeless romantic, a passionate filled firecracker with hopeless lust for life and one who still believes in falling hopelessly in love, you know the good ...dam my ass is dizzy in love, love. Ole Al Green, Peobo Bryson, Sherelle and Alexander O'neil 7 day a week love. Wait.... I just fell into a late night urban adult contemporary quiet storm play list flashback......
But.....before taking that plunge again there are some key things I would be sure to do before saying
I DO. And for you who are either considering marriage or who's entire focus rather it be subconscious or not, who truly can't see themselves as being 'COMPLETE" without a wife or husband... .or women like myself who always wanted to have children but not a big believer in having children out of wedlock. Whatever your reasons of wanting to be married... do these things a look before saying I do. It could keep you out of divorce court or worse...being in an unfulfilled, boring, and just bad marriage that is plagued with infidelity, lies, and mistrust. Yes, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, people DO stay in bad marriages for the kids, for the "we've been together for all these years and why would we throw that away?" reasons People stay married for financial comfort, or a lack of finances, insecurity due to daddy issues, fear of being alone, and yes people stay married just out of LOVE. Yes Lord.... we have all been fools for love.
50 percent of marriages end in divorce so if you could have information that could potentially keep you from being in that 50 percentile, what could it hurt to just be aware of it? Right? What could it hurt?
So here we go...ask yourself... why am I getting married? Is it because I am on the wrong side of 30? Wrong side of 40? DAM... 50? ALL of your friends have gotten married, and on their 3rd child so its the thing to do? Is it because you don't want someone else to marry your mate and though you are not really ready your mate has given you an ultimatum so you might as well get married. Oh and along the same line, you get married because she has "popped up pregnant" Do you really want a forced union? Do you really think a marriage that is based on falsehoods and deceit will really last? What is the TRUE REASON behind you wanting to live the rest of your life with this person? Next, do you really KNOW this person. Now this is where it gets sticky, because I have always thought the person you date is not really the real person you will spend the rest of your life with. People tend to misrepresent themselves, women who are trying desperately to get married will be and do everything you want them to be and do UNTIL they get married. This is why it is so important to be yourself from the jump, so the person you are with is seeing the real you.
Next... and I cannot stress this enough, GO SEE YOUR POTENTIAL SOON TO BE SPOUSE'S FAMILY!!! GO TO A FAMILY REUNION! KNOW WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOUR POTENTIAL SPOUSE HAS WITH THEIR PARENTS. Why? These are the people you will be forced to see holidays, family reunions, vacations etc.What if the family reunion reveals several family members are carrying a gargoyle/troll gene? You having children? You would be surprised how a gargoyle/ troll gene may show up on your future children.For example, you have children they are born with antennas, you thinking? why my baby got antennas? You wanna know why? because your husbands little brother has antennas , so guess what? NOW YO CHILD GOT ANTENNAS. See now if you had went to a family reunion you would have seen there are folk in your husbands immediate family who have antennas!
GO TO THE FAMILY REUNION. But all kidding aside....more important than that, it is just important to know a person's family health history. Does this family have a genetic flaw? Does this family have a history of a certain disease or chronic condition? When considering having children these things are important to know. Also you can know alot about a person based on what their relationship is with their parents. Did the guy you are about to marry see his own father disrespect his mother, talk down to her, abuse her physically? If so how will that affect him? How will he treat you? What is his relationship with his own mom, did his mom baby him?do everything for him? Will he expect you to do what his mother did for him? Fellas is your fiances momma a freak? Non committed the entire time your future wife was
a child? Did that as a result make your future wife insecure, clingy, and jealous? There is no doubt that we are all products of our childhoods. A great many of us will make decisions in our personal lives based on the relationships we grew up seeing or not seeing..
Also on a completely superficial tip.... fellas.... LOOK HARD AT THE MOMMA AND THE GRANDMA. Is Momma missing teeth? Is momma 320 pounds? Is momma male pattern balding? Old folks used to say if you considering marrying a women, look at HER momma that's who you will be married to in about 20 years. Ladies look at HIS DADDY. If his daddy was a womanizer, or has an entire different family on the opposite coast of where you live, how did that affect your future husband. If a little boy sees daddy cheating and womanizing, will that cause that little boy when he grows up to view women as sexual objects and more likely to continue to cheat while married because that is what he grew up seeing? You have to look at these things, and some of you ladies are so caught up on "the wedding" but what you would WANT TO DO is check for these underlying character and personality traits.
Next... credit!!!! or as some say CREDICK... whats really going on? If you marry someone without knowing their financial history you are asking for trouble. Many times when we come into a relationship as 2 individuals we come together in union and credit as well. What is your spouse's score? what are their spending habits? and what do they want for their financial future? Lets face it folks, marriage is a business partnership as well. When you are coming together as a family team, many times those big purchases are going to need to the two of you or if someones credit is not as strong, it will lie solely on that one person. Are you willing to do that? Consider this, if down the line in your little union something happens and the union dissolves and someone or both of you is bitter or angry because of the the break up of the marriage , sometimes people will do things to get back at their spouse. Example... if you both have names on property, cars, land, credit cards etc. and one of those individuals decides I want to REALLY screw this other person over so I'm going to file bankruptcy so I don't have to pay for anything from that marriage, guess who will be held responsible for that property, car, land and or credit? The last person standing after the other has filed bankruptcy. This is why so many people end up literally fighting in divorce proceedings, this is why people end up using children in custody hearings because something really bad happens when a marriage goes bad and credit is involved. So understand what your spouses credit history and financial knowledge is. So many women may be the stay at home mom and the man pays all the bills, sounds cute doesn't it, you living the ideal life, maybe you have things in your name and maybe you don't. What happens if the marriage goes off track and a divorce occurs, what are you going to have then? Really? You don't know do you? What will you leave with? What will you be stuck with? How will you fair? No no one should go into a marriage thinking it will end that's so negative!" said the naive unmarried, young minded little girl who wants the fairytale so bad. But in grownup world, grownups have to discuss and consider grownup occurrences and understand that things happen, you just want to be aware of all scenarios. Be prepared. And finally, make sure you truly understand that in order to come together with another person, it would be important to know who you are, what you stand for, what you are worth and what it is that you will or will not tolerate and expect. Communication is always critical when dealing with relationships but vital for a union to stay healthy thriving and withstanding the test of time. And isn't that what we get married for anyway, for a lifetime companion and a truly happily ever after. As always.... for some reason I can't remember the official sign off I use, I swear I have the memory of a premature baby gnat, but any who.... get life, this ain't no dress rehearsal.... or something like that!!!!
Uh huh........ and all the rest of that fairy tale little girls are told, the story of the little princess who is rescued by Prince Charming to live happily ever after. A nice story but realistic? Naw....I'm a realist when it comes to the institution of marriage.
You may be thinking....'OK OPRAH, you ole.... want to give advice on marriage and having children and you AINT GOT NAYER KID(caused chocolate Labradors don't count) You haven't BEEN MARRIED NOR HAVE A MAN!!" Let me say yes I can speak on both, I have a wonderful little girl and I walked down the aisle back in December 2000, and it was everything I dreamed of. My husband was as handsome as I always dreamed him of being and I was nicely tucked and tapered in my body magic...LMAO.. as lovely as a bride should be. After the dust settled and the honeymoon to Maui ended.... the reality hits, the wedding IS over.... the gifts have been opened and returned..... because really just how many dam pieces of crystal does a new couple really need? FAST FORWARD 10 years later.... I found myself in divorce court, arguing and looking to a perfect stranger to decide how all of our assets are to be divided up and worse... who and how our child will be cared for. A business relationship, a personal united front.....divided, defeated and never to be together again. Dreadful? yes.... disappointing? Fo sho!.....and yet....a lesson to be learned. And would I do it again? Sure, with the right person for the right reason. I am a hopeless romantic, a passionate filled firecracker with hopeless lust for life and one who still believes in falling hopelessly in love, you know the good ...dam my ass is dizzy in love, love. Ole Al Green, Peobo Bryson, Sherelle and Alexander O'neil 7 day a week love. Wait.... I just fell into a late night urban adult contemporary quiet storm play list flashback......
But.....before taking that plunge again there are some key things I would be sure to do before saying
I DO. And for you who are either considering marriage or who's entire focus rather it be subconscious or not, who truly can't see themselves as being 'COMPLETE" without a wife or husband... .or women like myself who always wanted to have children but not a big believer in having children out of wedlock. Whatever your reasons of wanting to be married... do these things a look before saying I do. It could keep you out of divorce court or worse...being in an unfulfilled, boring, and just bad marriage that is plagued with infidelity, lies, and mistrust. Yes, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, people DO stay in bad marriages for the kids, for the "we've been together for all these years and why would we throw that away?" reasons People stay married for financial comfort, or a lack of finances, insecurity due to daddy issues, fear of being alone, and yes people stay married just out of LOVE. Yes Lord.... we have all been fools for love.
50 percent of marriages end in divorce so if you could have information that could potentially keep you from being in that 50 percentile, what could it hurt to just be aware of it? Right? What could it hurt?
So here we go...ask yourself... why am I getting married? Is it because I am on the wrong side of 30? Wrong side of 40? DAM... 50? ALL of your friends have gotten married, and on their 3rd child so its the thing to do? Is it because you don't want someone else to marry your mate and though you are not really ready your mate has given you an ultimatum so you might as well get married. Oh and along the same line, you get married because she has "popped up pregnant" Do you really want a forced union? Do you really think a marriage that is based on falsehoods and deceit will really last? What is the TRUE REASON behind you wanting to live the rest of your life with this person? Next, do you really KNOW this person. Now this is where it gets sticky, because I have always thought the person you date is not really the real person you will spend the rest of your life with. People tend to misrepresent themselves, women who are trying desperately to get married will be and do everything you want them to be and do UNTIL they get married. This is why it is so important to be yourself from the jump, so the person you are with is seeing the real you.
Next... and I cannot stress this enough, GO SEE YOUR POTENTIAL SOON TO BE SPOUSE'S FAMILY!!! GO TO A FAMILY REUNION! KNOW WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOUR POTENTIAL SPOUSE HAS WITH THEIR PARENTS. Why? These are the people you will be forced to see holidays, family reunions, vacations etc.What if the family reunion reveals several family members are carrying a gargoyle/troll gene? You having children? You would be surprised how a gargoyle/ troll gene may show up on your future children.For example, you have children they are born with antennas, you thinking? why my baby got antennas? You wanna know why? because your husbands little brother has antennas , so guess what? NOW YO CHILD GOT ANTENNAS. See now if you had went to a family reunion you would have seen there are folk in your husbands immediate family who have antennas!
GO TO THE FAMILY REUNION. But all kidding aside....more important than that, it is just important to know a person's family health history. Does this family have a genetic flaw? Does this family have a history of a certain disease or chronic condition? When considering having children these things are important to know. Also you can know alot about a person based on what their relationship is with their parents. Did the guy you are about to marry see his own father disrespect his mother, talk down to her, abuse her physically? If so how will that affect him? How will he treat you? What is his relationship with his own mom, did his mom baby him?do everything for him? Will he expect you to do what his mother did for him? Fellas is your fiances momma a freak? Non committed the entire time your future wife was
a child? Did that as a result make your future wife insecure, clingy, and jealous? There is no doubt that we are all products of our childhoods. A great many of us will make decisions in our personal lives based on the relationships we grew up seeing or not seeing..
Also on a completely superficial tip.... fellas.... LOOK HARD AT THE MOMMA AND THE GRANDMA. Is Momma missing teeth? Is momma 320 pounds? Is momma male pattern balding? Old folks used to say if you considering marrying a women, look at HER momma that's who you will be married to in about 20 years. Ladies look at HIS DADDY. If his daddy was a womanizer, or has an entire different family on the opposite coast of where you live, how did that affect your future husband. If a little boy sees daddy cheating and womanizing, will that cause that little boy when he grows up to view women as sexual objects and more likely to continue to cheat while married because that is what he grew up seeing? You have to look at these things, and some of you ladies are so caught up on "the wedding" but what you would WANT TO DO is check for these underlying character and personality traits.
Next... credit!!!! or as some say CREDICK... whats really going on? If you marry someone without knowing their financial history you are asking for trouble. Many times when we come into a relationship as 2 individuals we come together in union and credit as well. What is your spouse's score? what are their spending habits? and what do they want for their financial future? Lets face it folks, marriage is a business partnership as well. When you are coming together as a family team, many times those big purchases are going to need to the two of you or if someones credit is not as strong, it will lie solely on that one person. Are you willing to do that? Consider this, if down the line in your little union something happens and the union dissolves and someone or both of you is bitter or angry because of the the break up of the marriage , sometimes people will do things to get back at their spouse. Example... if you both have names on property, cars, land, credit cards etc. and one of those individuals decides I want to REALLY screw this other person over so I'm going to file bankruptcy so I don't have to pay for anything from that marriage, guess who will be held responsible for that property, car, land and or credit? The last person standing after the other has filed bankruptcy. This is why so many people end up literally fighting in divorce proceedings, this is why people end up using children in custody hearings because something really bad happens when a marriage goes bad and credit is involved. So understand what your spouses credit history and financial knowledge is. So many women may be the stay at home mom and the man pays all the bills, sounds cute doesn't it, you living the ideal life, maybe you have things in your name and maybe you don't. What happens if the marriage goes off track and a divorce occurs, what are you going to have then? Really? You don't know do you? What will you leave with? What will you be stuck with? How will you fair? No no one should go into a marriage thinking it will end that's so negative!" said the naive unmarried, young minded little girl who wants the fairytale so bad. But in grownup world, grownups have to discuss and consider grownup occurrences and understand that things happen, you just want to be aware of all scenarios. Be prepared. And finally, make sure you truly understand that in order to come together with another person, it would be important to know who you are, what you stand for, what you are worth and what it is that you will or will not tolerate and expect. Communication is always critical when dealing with relationships but vital for a union to stay healthy thriving and withstanding the test of time. And isn't that what we get married for anyway, for a lifetime companion and a truly happily ever after. As always.... for some reason I can't remember the official sign off I use, I swear I have the memory of a premature baby gnat, but any who.... get life, this ain't no dress rehearsal.... or something like that!!!!
Friday, March 4, 2011
How much of your brain are you using? Think about it.....
I heard on t.v. that most of us only utilize 20 percent of our brain power. Which means 80 percent of what our brains ARE CAPABLE OF BEING AND DOING, never gets used. Now, what if half of that 20 percent only use 10 percent OR LESS of their brain abilities? What does that say about the intellectual capabiilities of the average person you encounter day to day? Is there any wonder that when you run into someone or have a communication glitch it leaves you feeling like...... what in the hell is the deal with
THAT PERSON? What exactly is REALLY GOING ON? But to take it to an entire different level of
self realization, what if you are apart of that half of that 20 percent and you are on the low percentage of
that 10 percent brain usuage? When you give it some real thought, does it make you want to learn more?
Does it make you want to be and do more with one of the most magnificent and complex human organs?
I have WAYyyy too much time on my hands, and my thoughts are ones that contemplate the most....some would say insignificant scenarios, these are the types of subjects that float around MY BRAIN. So.... after giving it some thought as I have, what am to do to increase my under utilized brain? What now?
When we were younger, we were constantly learning, using our brains. Some of us more than others. then some of us went to college and smoked..... and drank.... most if not many brain cells to an open casket clean departure, never to return again.
So.... how do you ,as a grown ass person, increase your brain power?
I asked my mom who is 75 and showing a strong fight against memory loss and human aging.
But she works at it. She is constantly researching and making note of power foods and nutrients that assist in slowing down the aging process. She reads everyday....and gives herself little mind benders.
Reading daily huh? Not so much for me.... I have never been a big reader, and if and when I do read on any kind of regularity, its on a particular subject that interest me. Like the workings and functions of the human anatomy, holistic research, books about child behavior, comedy and communication strategy books, and psychology. So maybe.... I could practice reading something everyday.
Prior to the boom of the internet, reading a newspaper daily or certainly on Sundays was standard, but everything is on the internet, news alerts come to my phone, who buys a paper anymore?
So.... ok.... read something everyday. I got it....
THE BIBLE.... I have decided if I am going to read something, everyday... let it be something that can benefit my mind as well as my soul. So thats what I have been doing. Another thing..... to boost my memory of a gnat.... memorizing what I have read. Can i keep it real with you? Not very successful..... thus far, but I am convinced just by being aware of this, I am well on the road to making better usuage of my brain.
How bout you? What if anything will you do? Is it something you really care about or are you good with just using such a small portion of your brain? Im certainly not focused on going back to school, what I deem as my calling and my future,I am, in my opinion ,sufficiently educated with my little B.A. in radio/television and a minor in journalism, as well as professionally trained and experienced to do
what I am doing.
HOWEVER.... one should NEVER stop learning, one should never stop challenging your own intellect and ...... YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO THRIVE.... instead of just getting by. Challenge yourself, you may be surprised at what YOUR brain can and will do when challenged to do so. Life experiences are lessons, but how can you possibly get the lesson if you have stopped expecting and actively participating in that learning process, if you no longer care to challenge your brain power, and your need for constant variety of knowledge.
Some say knowledge is power, however if there is no desire or abilities to attain and RETAIN that knowledge? You have indeed GIVEN YOUR POWER AWAY.
Just a thought.....
Get life baby... this aint no dress rehearsal.
THAT PERSON? What exactly is REALLY GOING ON? But to take it to an entire different level of
self realization, what if you are apart of that half of that 20 percent and you are on the low percentage of
that 10 percent brain usuage? When you give it some real thought, does it make you want to learn more?
Does it make you want to be and do more with one of the most magnificent and complex human organs?
I have WAYyyy too much time on my hands, and my thoughts are ones that contemplate the most....some would say insignificant scenarios, these are the types of subjects that float around MY BRAIN. So.... after giving it some thought as I have, what am to do to increase my under utilized brain? What now?
When we were younger, we were constantly learning, using our brains. Some of us more than others. then some of us went to college and smoked..... and drank.... most if not many brain cells to an open casket clean departure, never to return again.
So.... how do you ,as a grown ass person, increase your brain power?
I asked my mom who is 75 and showing a strong fight against memory loss and human aging.
But she works at it. She is constantly researching and making note of power foods and nutrients that assist in slowing down the aging process. She reads everyday....and gives herself little mind benders.
Reading daily huh? Not so much for me.... I have never been a big reader, and if and when I do read on any kind of regularity, its on a particular subject that interest me. Like the workings and functions of the human anatomy, holistic research, books about child behavior, comedy and communication strategy books, and psychology. So maybe.... I could practice reading something everyday.
Prior to the boom of the internet, reading a newspaper daily or certainly on Sundays was standard, but everything is on the internet, news alerts come to my phone, who buys a paper anymore?
So.... ok.... read something everyday. I got it....
THE BIBLE.... I have decided if I am going to read something, everyday... let it be something that can benefit my mind as well as my soul. So thats what I have been doing. Another thing..... to boost my memory of a gnat.... memorizing what I have read. Can i keep it real with you? Not very successful..... thus far, but I am convinced just by being aware of this, I am well on the road to making better usuage of my brain.
How bout you? What if anything will you do? Is it something you really care about or are you good with just using such a small portion of your brain? Im certainly not focused on going back to school, what I deem as my calling and my future,I am, in my opinion ,sufficiently educated with my little B.A. in radio/television and a minor in journalism, as well as professionally trained and experienced to do
what I am doing.
HOWEVER.... one should NEVER stop learning, one should never stop challenging your own intellect and ...... YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO THRIVE.... instead of just getting by. Challenge yourself, you may be surprised at what YOUR brain can and will do when challenged to do so. Life experiences are lessons, but how can you possibly get the lesson if you have stopped expecting and actively participating in that learning process, if you no longer care to challenge your brain power, and your need for constant variety of knowledge.
Some say knowledge is power, however if there is no desire or abilities to attain and RETAIN that knowledge? You have indeed GIVEN YOUR POWER AWAY.
Just a thought.....
Get life baby... this aint no dress rehearsal.
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