Things to do before you say I DO......

I sit in front of this computer trying  to decide as to what I want to vent upon.  I guess today its going to be a form of advice.  So what can I speak on from a experienced view point, what can I offer today?  How about a subject that most heterosexual little girls dream of from a young age.  M A R R I A G E,Weddings, walking down the aisle on your special day to declare your love til death do you part, with your soul mate.  The white picket fence, 2 and half kids and a monogamous love affair that last for an eternity.
Uh huh........ and all the rest of that fairy tale little girls are told, the story of the little princess who is rescued by Prince Charming to live happily ever after.  A nice story but realistic? Naw....I'm a realist when it comes to the institution of marriage.
You may be thinking....'OK OPRAH, you ole.... want to give advice on marriage and having children and you AINT GOT NAYER KID(caused chocolate Labradors don't count) You haven't  BEEN MARRIED NOR HAVE A MAN!!" Let me say yes I can speak on both, I have a wonderful little girl and  I walked down the aisle back in December 2000, and it was everything I dreamed of.  My  husband was as handsome as I always dreamed him of  being and I was nicely tucked and tapered in my body magic...LMAO.. as lovely as a bride should be.  After the dust settled and the honeymoon to Maui ended.... the reality hits, the wedding  IS over.... the gifts have been opened and returned..... because really just how many dam pieces of crystal does a new couple really need? FAST FORWARD 10 years later.... I found myself in divorce court, arguing and looking to a perfect stranger to decide how  all of our assets  are to be divided up and worse... who and how our child will be cared for.  A business relationship, a personal united front.....divided, defeated and never to be together again.  Dreadful? yes.... disappointing? Fo sho!.....and yet....a lesson to be learned.  And would I do it again?  Sure, with the right person for the right reason. I am a hopeless romantic, a passionate filled firecracker with hopeless lust for life and one who still  believes in falling hopelessly in  love, you know the good ...dam my ass is dizzy in love, love.  Ole Al Green, Peobo Bryson, Sherelle and Alexander O'neil 7 day a week love.  Wait.... I just fell into a late night urban adult contemporary quiet storm play list flashback......
But.....before taking that plunge again there are some key things I would be sure to do before saying
 I DO.   And for you who are either considering marriage or who's entire focus rather it be subconscious or not, who truly can't see themselves as being 'COMPLETE" without a wife or husband... .or women like myself who always wanted to have children but not a big believer in having children out of wedlock.  Whatever your reasons of wanting to be married... do these things a look before saying I do.  It could keep you out of divorce court or worse...being in an unfulfilled, boring, and just bad marriage that is plagued with infidelity, lies, and mistrust. Yes, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen,  people DO stay in bad marriages for the kids, for the "we've been together for all these years and why would we throw that away?" reasons  People stay married for financial comfort, or a lack of finances, insecurity due to daddy issues, fear of being alone, and yes people stay married  just out of  LOVE.  Yes Lord.... we have all been fools for love.
50 percent of marriages end in divorce so if you could have information that could potentially  keep you from being in that 50 percentile, what could it hurt to just be aware of it?  Right? What could it hurt? 
So here we go...ask yourself... why am I getting married?  Is it because I am on the wrong side of 30? Wrong side of 40? DAM... 50? ALL of your friends have gotten married, and on their 3rd child so its the thing to do?  Is it because you don't want someone else to marry your mate and though you are not really ready your mate  has given you an ultimatum so you might as well get married.  Oh and along the same line, you get married because she has "popped up pregnant"  Do you really want a forced union? Do you really think a marriage that is based on falsehoods and deceit will really last? What is the TRUE REASON behind you wanting to live the rest of your life with this person?  Next, do you really KNOW this person.  Now this is where it gets sticky, because I have always thought the person you date is not really the real person you will spend the rest of your life with.  People tend to misrepresent themselves, women who are trying desperately to get married will be and do everything you want them to be and do UNTIL they get married.  This is why it is so important to be yourself from the jump, so the person you are with is seeing the real you.
Next... and I cannot stress this enough, GO SEE YOUR POTENTIAL SOON TO BE  SPOUSE'S  FAMILY!!! GO TO A FAMILY REUNION!  KNOW WHAT TYPE OF  RELATIONSHIP   YOUR POTENTIAL  SPOUSE HAS WITH THEIR PARENTS.  Why? These are the people you will be forced to see holidays, family reunions, vacations etc.What if the family reunion reveals several family members  are carrying a gargoyle/troll gene?  You having children?  You would be surprised how a gargoyle/ troll gene may show up on your future children.For example, you have  children  they are born with antennas, you thinking?  why my baby got antennas?  You wanna know why?  because your husbands little brother  has antennas , so guess what?  NOW YO CHILD GOT ANTENNAS.  See now if you had went to a family reunion you would have seen there are folk in your husbands immediate family who have antennas!
 GO TO THE FAMILY REUNION.  But all kidding aside....more important than that, it is just important to know a person's family health history.  Does this family have a  genetic flaw? Does this family have a history of a certain disease or chronic condition?  When  considering having children these things are important to know.  Also you can know alot about a person based on what their relationship is with their parents.  Did the guy you are about to marry see his own father disrespect his mother, talk down to her, abuse her physically?  If so how will that affect him?  How will he treat you? What is his relationship with his own mom, did his mom baby him?do everything for him?  Will he expect you to do what his mother did for him? Fellas is your fiances momma a freak?  Non committed the entire time your future wife was 
a child?  Did that as a result make your future wife insecure, clingy, and jealous?  There is no doubt that we are all products of our childhoods. A great many of us will make decisions in our personal lives based on the relationships we grew up seeing or not seeing..
Also on a completely superficial tip.... fellas.... LOOK HARD AT THE MOMMA AND THE GRANDMA.  Is Momma missing teeth?  Is momma 320 pounds?  Is momma male pattern balding? Old folks used to say if you  considering marrying a women, look at HER momma that's who you will be married to in about 20 years. Ladies look at HIS DADDY.  If his daddy was a womanizer, or has an entire different family on the opposite coast of where you live, how did that affect your future husband.  If a little boy sees daddy cheating and womanizing, will that cause that little boy when he grows up to view women as sexual objects and more likely to continue to cheat while married because that is what he grew up seeing?  You have to look at these things, and some of you ladies are so caught up on "the wedding"  but what  you would WANT TO DO is check for these underlying character and personality traits. 
Next... credit!!!!  or as some say CREDICK... whats really going on?  If you marry someone without knowing their financial history you are asking for trouble.  Many times when we come into a relationship as 2 individuals we come together in union and credit as well.  What is your spouse's score? what are their spending habits? and what do they want for their financial future?  Lets face it folks, marriage is a business partnership as well.  When you are coming together as a family team, many times those big purchases are going to need to the two of you or if someones credit is not as strong, it will lie solely on that one person.  Are you willing to do that?  Consider this, if down the line in your little union something happens and the union dissolves and someone or both of you is bitter or angry because of the the break up of the marriage , sometimes people will do things to  get back at their spouse.  Example... if you both have names on property, cars, land, credit cards etc. and one of those individuals decides I want to REALLY screw this other person over so I'm going to file bankruptcy so I don't have to pay for anything from that marriage, guess who will be held responsible for that property, car, land and or credit?  The last person standing after the other has filed bankruptcy.  This is why so many people end up literally fighting in divorce proceedings, this is why people end up using children in custody hearings because something really bad happens when a marriage goes bad and credit is involved.  So understand what your spouses credit history and financial knowledge is.  So many women may be the stay at home mom and the man pays all the bills,  sounds cute doesn't it, you living the ideal life, maybe you have things in your name and maybe you don't.  What happens if the marriage goes off track and a divorce occurs, what are you going to have then?  Really? You don't know do you?   What will you leave with? What will you be stuck with?  How will you fair?  No no one should go into a marriage thinking it will end that's so negative!" said the naive unmarried, young minded little girl who wants the fairytale so bad.  But in grownup world, grownups have to discuss and consider grownup occurrences and understand that things happen, you just want to be aware of all scenarios.  Be prepared.  And finally, make sure you truly understand that in order to come together with another person, it would be important to know who you are, what you stand for, what you are worth and what it is that you will or will not tolerate and expect.  Communication is always critical when dealing with relationships but vital for a union to stay healthy thriving and withstanding the test of time. And isn't that what we get married for anyway, for a lifetime companion and a truly happily ever after.  As always.... for some reason I can't remember the official sign off I use, I swear I have the memory of a premature baby gnat, but any who.... get life, this ain't no dress rehearsal.... or something like that!!!!